i wrote my first paper for my english class this semester and i got it back...
He sent me an email and told me it was one of the best ones in the class..
i am just as shocked as you are.
It was because I got so much help on this paper from guys in my ward (Mike, Dallin, Lance), other friends (Philip, John, Jared) my roomies (Kaits, Aly) and professors (like Patchell)..
i got an A woo! 94 out of 100
here's my paper if you'd like to read it and comment on it..
it is an Opinion Editorial
Sprinting to the Altar
Time is the most valuable commodity that is easily confused in a Latter-day Saint based society. When one feels time is scarce, a skewed mindset often creeps in as a person tries to resolve pertinent obstacles. Haste pushes the average person to act in a way that they either miraculously succeed, or simply collapse. Even though sooner than later is a brilliant concept it does not apply to every detail of our lives. Marriage falls into this category. Matrimony should not be taken breezily and has more repercussions than when first innocently promoted at Brigham Young University. As a new student to BYU I have seen the push for marriage and I have only been in attendance for one semester; I already feel the pressure to marry. The BYU community persuades marriage on its students, and although I do believe marriage to be a source of real happiness, rushing to the altar generally causes more problems than it can solve.
There are many social pressures as a student attending BYU. One is falling into the idea of being the perfect individual by creating an image distorted from their true self to become one with the social norm in Provo. Another social pressure is to be married by a certain age in order to be accepted and honored in the Latter-day Saint community. It is believed by an unwritten law: women over the age of 23 and men over the age of 25 that are not married are disreputable and not considered spiritual or worthy.
Combining the social and spiritual pressures of marriage while juggling academic demands as a student is not the easiest walk in the park. There are high expectations for students to gain a good education in order to be successful in life. Flunking out of class is not the only thing on the minds of students but they also have to be concerned about finding true love before their senior year. Influence towards marrying young arises everyday at the private university without fail. Authority figures such as church leaders, professors, and guest speakers bring up the idea of dating and working towards marriage. Church meetings in BYU single adult wards, more than any other church congregation in the entire world, bring up marriage continually. After a while, it is inscribed in our brains that we must be married as soon as possible. Just because there are over 30,000 students attending Brigham Young, creating pretty good odds to find someone you could marry, doesn’t mean you should rush into a marriage. The first thing a guy does when meeting a girl should not be checking to see if she has a ring. Instead he should want to get to know her for who she is and not if she is a potential date for the weekend.
Marriage and having a family one day is a wonderful thing, but ‘one day’ are the key words here. In a talk printed in the 1994 Ensign, John D. Claybaugh states, “courtship is a time to discover who you and your partner really are—and how to nourish your relationship.” Claybaugh recalls a time he saw President and Sister Benson and how in love they still were at their age and how that is missing from the world today. One reason is that President and Sister Benson had a courtship stretching over seven years instead of seven months...or even seven days! The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not contribute to the idea of rushing into marriage. Yet, BYU has gotten comfortable with the notion of graduating as husband and wife not only being the norm but as an underwritten mandate included in the motto “enter to learn, go forth to serve.”
Social pressures that heavily persuade people to act out of character in certain communities are not healthy for the individuals of that community. Research into human development further shows that early marriage is perhaps impulsive and should be the exception. “The evidence now is strong that the brain does not cease to mature until the early 20s in those relevant parts that govern impulsivity, judgment, planning for the future, foresight of consequences, and other characteristics that make people morally culpable…” (Ruben Gur). Studies like these show that the human brain doesn’t fully develop until the age of 25. With the lack of experience, young adults display a difficult time using logic reasoning and controlling impulses. Emotions get in the way of thinking clearly since our brains are still developing. Cupid’s marriage arrow is evident whenever strolling around campus. Yet, the question arises: is it real love or is it succumbing to the strain the university puts on it’s students declaring marriage needs to be the first thing checked off the list? There is no harm in talking about marriage, nor keeping the radar searching for a compatible mate. This does not justify hastily jumping into the real thing with a rapid proposal and a wedding date. It is difficult for young adults in the heat of the moment to see the big picture; instead, we see just a portion of the panoramic view around us.
At Brigham Young there seems to be a lot of emphasis on marriage but rarely told are the stories of young couples rushing into marriages that result in divorce or separation. Situations like joking around during a Freshmen Orientation about marriage for the freshmen living away from home for the first time, is a subject that should be taken with more concern. There are circumstances that do have a successful conclusion. If that could work for most people, that would be great; then, BYU would be justified in pushing the idea of marriage on its young adults. Unfortunately, “happily ever after” is not always the case.
The United State’s divorce rate keeps rising partly due to the sprint into marriage and coupled with the convenience of divorce. On the website for American Divorce Statistics it states that 36.6% of women married between 20 and 24 years old go through a divorce compared that to the 8.5% of women between the ages of 30 to 34 years. It is the same pattern with men having a 38.8% divorce rate between the ages of 20 to 24 compared to the 11.6% divorce rate for the ages 30 to 34 years. The American Divorce Statistics also states “50% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce,” which is not a very uplifting statement for a single adult to hear. This fact shouldn’t be taken lightly and perhaps ignored as seen on BYU campus. Since there is this particular stress on campus to tie the knot as soon as possible before graduation day the strain can result in a shaky marriage. Conforming to the this society is evident even outside of campus boundaries, as Utah has the lowest numbers in the marriage age, as well as the highest divorce rate percentages. It is a difficult situation to deal with at BYU because those who don’t adhere to a premature marriage are somewhat ostracized by others who more strictly follow the cultural norms.
Some wisdom can be recognized through other’s experiences before us. Even though Edith Wharton was born into New York’s wealthiest families she became bored with the stuffy social life. She didn’t want to follow the normal pattern of socialites before her. Instead she moved to France during World War I where her relief work won her a Cross of the Legion of Honor. Wharton said, “If only we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.” People in the BYU culture seem to put on more of a show on how happy they are because of the constant pressures of how happy they ought to be. Sadly, opportunities for bliss and joy pass right by us without realizing because of the concern of what other people will say if we don’t yield to the unwritten laws about marriage in the Latter-day Saint community. It polarizes the BYU culture by driving away those who refuse to submit to the pressures. If students and young adults in our culture can anticipate and not surrender to the constant pokes of the word marriage on our exterior, marriages then can be statistically more successful. This is facilitated by more experience and brain development allowing deeper commitment to occur between those bound in holy matrimony. Instead of rushing to the altar, as a BYU student I am advocating a nice enjoyable walk. I would much rather prefer to wear a pair of stunning three inch heals as I stroll to the altar than lace up an old pair of Nikes coupled with my wedding dress.
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